Today was a shitty, shitty day. At work I had to go cry in my car for 10 minutes because the shit just kept hitting the fan. These people are professionals. They should know better than to just dump it on me right away. I need some time to transition. Some small tasks to learn the business, a few success stories. I just feel like I have no chance to succeed and it makes me doubt who I am.
The whole time I'm in my car all I can think about is how everyone is suicidal, just to what stage? Do you take crazy chances like walking in Warren after dark? Do you ever have just one too many but still drive? Ever swim out past the breakers and fear you can't get back in? Ever skydive, drive too fast, walk the edge of the roof?
I felt the blisters below the words a universe waiting to explode and I felt the words crawl out of my skull and now you know exactly what you should don't bother pretending I seem fine I like that I'm a mess I can't stand it much longer in my head I think it's time for bullets became so-so suicidal and now I know the ugly from the good
Then I come home to a mess the child left. She's calling for a curfew extension and I just don't care. I'm a bitch, she hates me, she hopes I die....makes two of us.
I know I need help but honestly that holds no appeal.
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